"Abstaining is easier than moderating..." Gertrude RubinYesterday I read a post from Gertrude Rubin. Gertrude wrote The Happiness Project and the more recent Better Than Before, both spent some time on The New York Times Best Seller list. The topic of Happiness seems to be one that millions have embraced...including me.
In her post she discussed the difference between moderating a bad habit and abstaining from it altogether. She referred to French fries as her habit to abstain from eating. Her followers likened their experiences from gluten to corn syrup. As I was reading, my mind invisioned fast food. A while back I had an ingrained habit of picking up some fast food rather than waiting until I got home, or taking the time to go to a restaurant. Like Gertrude and her followers, I had found it increasingly difficult to moderate. I had every intention of keeping my trips to only once a week. But then I would rationalize. It seems I always had a reason why today was a good day to drive-thru. The thought of 'abstaining' translated in my head to: 'never.' I will never again be able to eat fast food in my car. Now, just saying, "in my car," sounds awful to me! Who really wants to juggle food between them and a steering wheel? Or, worse yet, clean a spot off their clothes on their way to an appointment or to run an errand? But then I was sick for a while and didn't leave the house. When feeling better, I tried to travel with carrot sticks to prevent the, "I'm famished!" excuse. Shortly it had been several weeks since I had eaten fast food. To my surprise, it was easier than I thought, more like taking the proverbial baby steps. (And this was before I read Rubin's post.) Yet, one thing in her post helped me look at abstaining differently. Gertrude suggested that the use of negative thinking doesn't support happiness. Instead she suggested a simple re-wording, from "never again..." to "I'm free from..." So as I read her post I said aloud, "Now, I'm free from drive-thru fast food." It felt so empowering! It didn't feel like I was depriving myself at all. Instead, I felt in control of a former bad habit. I think it helped that it was a 'baby step' instead of trying to change all my eating behaviors at once. What next? Gluten? Is there something in your life that drains your happiness? Would you like to try out Gertrude's philosophy on abstaining vs. moderating? Let me know how it goes. Lord, remind me when I'm shopping to buy only gluten free products and to ask for help when I'm making choices in restaurants. Amen "For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 What are your thoughts? Libby Note: Gertrude Rubin, blogger, author and biographer, has written The Happiness Project and Better Than Before, focusing on being happy and content in any situation.
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"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief." William Shakespeare, OthelloWhen I was in grammar school a girl challenged me to a fight after school. I don't remember why we were enemies, or even that we were enemies. I just know that she was popular among her friends and I was new to this school. Of course, she beat me up and I went home feeling defeated and in tears. She succeed in dominating me. I was only ten years old, but I still remember her name and how I felt.
The bully loves to tease those who appear to be weaker, more vulnerable, and the least likely to fight back. The bully is really the coward; otherwise they would go after someone more their equal, whether that be size, strength, or assertiveness. When I was young there wasn't the zero tolerance of bullying that there is in schools today. My parents tried to comfort me by saying, "She's just jealous of you." They suggested I ignore her, that she is only trying to get me to react with fear to make herself feel more important, more powerful. I believe the part about her trying to look bigger, more powerful at my expense...that's exactly what happened. I got the reputation of wimp and she retained her dominance. But there are still bullies in my life today. They may mask their overt bullying by hiding it in sarcasm or by intentionally rejoicing about their good fortune just when I have failed to achieve my goal. But today I have learned how to respond and that my identity is not based on their opinion of me. So if I let their comments (whether sarcasm or boasting) fall on deaf ears and don't give them the satisfaction they're after, they will eventually lose interest in me. But I find it's important to be clear about the difference between deflecting the bully away from me, and forgiving. Ignoring someone's comments so they cannot hurt me, is very different from forgiving someone who has hurt me. There is always a time to forgive. The purpose of my strategy is to free me from being under the bully's influence. Is there someone in your life that has adopted one of these socially acceptable (sarcasm or boasting) ways of bullying you? How will you handle it differently next time? Lord, remind me again how my identity rests in who You say I am and not in someone who - for whatever reason - wants to make me think I'm a loser. Thank you Jesus that you love me, just as I am. Amen "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:27-28, 31 What are your thoughts? Libby Note: William Shakespeare (1564-1616) was an English poet, playwright and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and world's pre-eminent dramatist; often called the "Bard of Avon." PS Happy Birthday Shakespeare. "Every situation - no, every moment - is of infinite worth; for it is the representative of a whole eternity." Johann Wolfgang GoetheThis week I discovered a book on improving the happiness quotient in our lives, Better Than Before, by Gretchen Rubin. It was no surprise that in the top five strategies to improve happiness in life included reducing (or eliminating) procrastination. I struggle with procrastination, and have for most of my life.
There are several reasons for this. I often find I stop making progress and begin procrastinating when I reach a point where I don't know how to continue, and I'm not willing to ask for help. Before I pray or fall back on any avoidance technique, I just procrastinate - the past of lease resistance. But there are other reasons that lead me to procrastinate: I don't like doing it; there is something else I would rather be doing; I'm not feeling well right now (physical or emotional); or, I'm feeling too good right now to break my stride (enjoying some level of success in another endeavor). Give me a minute and I'll come up with more reasons; I can always find a suitable excuse to procrastinate. Until recently I thought procrastination was all about avoiding something unpleasant. But when Better Than Before suggested there was a link to my happiness, I began to look at it differently. Avoiding something only rarely causes it to go away. Usually it just gets more urgent. To put an unpleasant task behind me, it not only lifts the weight of it off my shoulders, but I get to check off an item from my to-do list. I don't know about you, but I have lists...for everything. Even when I finish something that was not on my list for the day, I add it just so I can check it off. There is a real sense of accomplishment in surveying a list with lots of checks at the end of the day. It makes me Happy! (What a concept!) What is one project you are putting off until another time? For me, it's a phone call I need to make. I'm going to make that call when I close this post. How about you, are you ready to increase your happiness quotient?...right now? Lord, help me see procrastination differently; not as a means to avoid something, but as a deterrent to my happiness. Give me Your view of the potential for increased happiness when I'm tempted to procrastinate. Amen "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Hebrews 12:11 What are your thoughts? Libby Note: Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832), was a German poet, novelist, playwright, philosopher, diplomat, civil servant, attorney, scientist, inventor, and artist. His body of work remains pre-eminent in numerous fields still today. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor RooseveltI was in a situation once where I entered a restaurant late to join a group of people for a business dinner. In an unusually loud voice a person insulted me comparing me to a fruit. Her words could be heard by far more than just the people at our table.
The restaurant became quiet. I turned to speak to someone else. Eventually the conversations continued, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she had bet someone that she could make me leave the restaurant, or at least excuse myself for a minute. I didn’t give her the satisfaction of scaring me away. Although it was hurtful and the comment stung a bit, I knew her insult was totally unfounded. By ignoring her comment it made her look foolish, not only to the people at our table but to others in the restaurant. It reminded me of a line in an old movie--Heaven Can Wait (1978)—which impressed me so much I still remember it today. It simple said, “You don’t know me well enough to hurt me.” Whether an obscure fruit-related insult or a more pointed untruth intended to hurt or embarrass, when the person insulting you does not know you well it can only be manufactured. Even if the person is a colleague or is loosely connected by mutual friends, that doesn’t necessarily mean they know you well. I drew on the quote from the movie to withstand the insult that night in the restaurant. And, like the character in the movie, I was able to appear the stronger one...the more self-confident one, the less embarrassed one. Eleanor Roosevelt hit the nail on the head. We have a choice. We can allow a loan comment spoken in anger to hurt us. Or, we can discount the nature of the comment and the one who spoke it, and not allow it to affect our reaction, our confidence, or our self-esteem. Inferiority is an unusual thing. It is not something that can be defined by your score on a test, level of experience, seniority, nationality, credential, or any other arbitrary measure. Much like beauty is in the eye of the beholder; inferiority is in the eye of the beholder. What I learned through all this was, the person that wanted to label me inferior was showing her own lack of respect, her own insecurity. Roosevelt’s advice to someone in this situation is perfect—don’t give them any control over you. You are the only one that can determine who can hurt you. Have you ever been unjustly embarrassed in public by someone intentionally attempting to hurt you? Was it untrue, or not completely accurate? Next time consider how you will respond, a hurtful response or trying to defend ourselves may have the reverse effect. Remember, only a guilty person needs to defend themselves. Lord, give me strength to not be overcome by hurtful comments, but to remember who You say I am. Amen “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8,9b What are your thoughts? Libby Note: Elanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), was an American politician, diplomat and human rights activist, also known for holding the post as First Lady for her husband's--Franklin D. Roosevelt--from 1933 to 1945. She also held posts for Truman and Kennedy, including Delegate to the United Nations General Assembly. "We read to know we're not alone." William NicholsonThe movie Shadowlands, with Anthony Hopkins, is the story about C.S. Lewis and his wife Joy. In the movie, one of Lewis' students quotes his father as saying, "We read to know we're not alone." Later in the movie they meet again and Lewis repeats this quote back to his student. The quote had a profound impact on the son’s life as he followed in his father’s footsteps. And, as it turns out, it had a profound impact on Lewis by the end of the movie.
What is the connection we have with the words we read from others? It can be fiction—whether a book or a movie, non-fiction, a letter from a friend, a chronicle of events in history, or even a column in a newspaper. Another movie about reading is You've Got Mail. Meg Ryan's character sends a message to a friend in a chat room saying in part, "So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book; when, shouldn't it be the other way around?" Whether my reading reminds me of life or life mimics what I’ve read, I believe there is a connection. That connection happens—fiction or non-fiction—when their words resonate with my experience, when they're speaking the truth from their heart. Like a bobble head, I nod at a passage in a non-fiction book where someone has captured my experience in words. My reaction might be, "Been there, done that." Fiction, on the other hand, that speaks to me is all about a collection of characters that I can relate to, characters I care about. When I finish a book like this I might respond, "I didn't want it to end." In both cases I glean from other people’s words the truth of the human experience. Whether in my ah-ha non-fiction moment, or that not want to let go of my new friends experience, truth shakes my world. I don't know who first said, "You are what you read," but it does support the idea that I grow as a result of what I'm reading. If you're like me, I'm never far from a pen when I read non-fiction. More than once I've had to buy a new book for a person who loaned me their copy. I exhibited little restraint as I underlined, highlighted and commented in the columns. I enjoy distilling down the words to that Truth that applies to the human experience, those words that remind me I'm not alone. Movies, fiction stories, non-fiction topics, news articles or op-ed., whether current events or sermons from a hundred years ago...all have provided me with a myriad of quotes, underlined, tagged or copied. I would love to share some of my favorites with you. I hope you will join me on my quest. I would love to share with you what I've learned and the connection I've discovered to that underlying Truth. I will try to leave a challenge for me—and you, if you'd like. And, of course, I'd love to hear your ideas, comments, and your favorite quotes. It’s how we know we’re not alone. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25 What are your thoughts? Libby Note: William B. Nicholson (1948- ), British screenwriter, playwright and novelist, has won two Academy Awards: Best Adapted Screenplay for Shadowlands, and Best Original Screenplay for Gladiator. Nicholson also adapted the Les Miserables screenplay for the 2012 film of the same name. |
WelcomeI love the wisdom of the ages gleaned from relevant quotes. In them there is a connection to the human experience that crosses all borders. Join me as I relate my personal experiences, and link the wisdom of the quote to the Source of all wisdom: God's Word, the Bible. Enjoy, Libby Categories
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